Here we are in this photo... Ruari and I one year ago... Strangers really... but, not completely. I felt her kicking and punching in my belly for months. And, here we are one week after a terrible experience trying to get to know each other. I'll be honest with you all: it was hard at first. They had me on so many pain killers and I had lost so much blood that I was numb to everything. I knew she was my baby. I knew I loved her. I knew I didn't EVER want anything horrible to happen to her. But, it was hard.
Mike recently told me that one thing he'll never forget is when I told him
(two days after her birth) that I didn't feel like I had a connection with my baby. I had to explain to him that they had me on morphine and a few other mind numbing drugs that I really didn't feel much emotion after her birth. I didn't even cry until our 5th day in the hospital. They stopped the morphine drips and I was "waking up".
But, I obviously did form a very close connection with my baby girl. And, here we are. One year later. I'm alive. My baby girl is alive. We are healthy, happy, and alive. I love life! I've been so worried that this Christmas would be so hard for me... It's not. I'm completely enjoying myself. One year later: I'm doing just fine. Yes, some days are hard. BUT, mostly I'm doing great.
What's REALLY crazy: I ran into one of my surgeons at work today!
EXACTLY one year after I left the hospital. Talk about weird.
So much has changed. I've now accepted what happened. I've accepted the fact that it's not safe for me to carry another baby. Surrogacy and adoption are perfectly wonderful.
It's a new year for me. It will be an even better year! My second chance at life. It will be great! I will enjoy it. My family and friends have been so wonderful and supportive. AND, my blogging community has been so amazing and supportive as well. I am so happy I started blogging. Getting my thoughts and worries typed out have been a fantastic form of therapy for me! Thank you for listening! Please PLEASE have an amazing and wonderful holiday weekend. Hug and love your family.
Can we get a vote for our Christmas present?
Would ya could ya? Vote for me?
