So, earlier today I was walking down memory lane (in my lovely head) and sort of wandered into the dirty mean alley of my memories. When I was younger I had a friend... she moved into a home 2 houses up from me when I was in 4th grade. We were the same age... so, of course we became friends.
I was a pretty shy kid. It was hard for me to put myself out there and meet/make friends. When this girl came a long and my parents introduced us... it was so easy. So... our friendship began.
With time she became very controlling... she was very jealous if I made other friends... I went into 7th grade with really only her as a friend. I was friendly with other people... but, really... she was it.
Long story short... she was very emotionally abusive. Some examples: I remember her seeing a "roll" on my belly and telling me I was fat (I was not). She talked about how her teeth were naturally straight and mine were crooked (I got braces later when I was 20). I would lie to her and tell her she looked good just so she wouldn't get mad at me... but, she would later get pissed at me because she thought I lied to her (which I did ;) ). I told her a girl at school was really mean in class... she told this girl what I said and the girl confronted me and pushed me against the locker (Yeah, this girl is still mean btw). She made me cry so many times I can't even count... she was, and probably still is, a horrible person (yes... my REAL friend worked with her for a couple of weeks this last year... and she was awful. She lied a lot.).
Eventually (when I was 16) I realized that I didn't have to be friends with her... to sit with her (and only her and her friends) at lunch... I could hang out with other people! So, one day... I just said f-this! I completely ditched her. That was THE best decision I made of my younger years. She was headed down the drain and dragging me with her. I got out!
I began spending more time with my other friends (which... I am still completely best friends with... they are the most amazing girls ever. All 8 of them!)... and I was so happy! The old mean friend moved to another school and I haven't seen her since I was 17. Thank goodness... But, I had been a "friend" with her from 10 - 16.
So... this brings me to my questions... what would you do? How do you prepare your daughter (or son) for this? To be independent and stand up for themselves? I was so unhappy with this friendship I had... I cried so many times... but, I wasn't strong enough to say, "This is crap. I am worth more. This is abuse. I am a great person. I don't have to worry about her feelings and I don't have to be her friend." It took my amazing girlfriends to help me realize this.
How do you help your children realize their potential? Ruari is very quiet and cautious... She wont let go of me in big crowds. I make an effort to never say, "She's shy." or "She's just a little timid." But, it does pop out sometimes. I don't want to tell her this is what she is. I want her to be strong and believe in her self. I know I can't control how her future will go... but, I want her to know she is amazing and can choose her friends. She does not need to put up with that abuse.
Sorry about the downer post today... but, it was such a large part of my teenage years...
❤ Chelsey
No comments:
Post a Comment